November 17, 2009

Long before i wrote a massive check for an MBA at a top 10 school, my grandfather would often tell me, “remember: you don’t know what you don’t know.”

What I didn’t know then is that I would revisit this wisdom in my management class at Duke.  Officially called “metaknowledge”, there is an idea among leading researchers that leaders must properly account for  information that is unknown, but more so, not known that it’s unknown (got that?!?).  Apparently, we are great as humans, at underestimating what we do not know.  That is to say, we know that there are things we do not know, we just think those things are far fewer than they actually are.

and right this second, i’m not sure i know anything…

so back to my point…there are two situations right now that i’m dealing with and they are important – to me and those impacted by them.  As I’ve been thinking through them to find the right and best solution – it’s occurred to me that just because I have reached a decision by a familar path/line of thinking, doesn’t mean the thinking is actually correct.

shocking, i know…

seriously though, it JUST occurred to me that the value I place on certain outcomes and the ways in which i reach those ends may not be the correct one(s).  Basically, what if everything I know about how to know/understand a problem and arrive at a conclusion is wrong?

I want to think if everyone is happy, it is obviously right.  I want to think that if I can take something on personally and deal with it privately and cleanly, it must be correct. But, maybe not.  Maybe I’ve underestimated how seemingly ridiculous and disconnected events can actually be exactly the right way to the perfect outcome.

If God is who He says He is, He can see this.  He can account for the familiar problem-solving paths I take and also the ones I’m totally unaware of.  Even better, I find a huge sense of relief in knowing i don’t have to know everything, i don’t have to know what i know or even know what i don’t know – i just have to know the one who does.

So, i’m kind of going back to these two situations with a blank canvas – and realizing that perhaps i don’t know what i don’t know…I’m going to think a little less and listen a little more…to the One whose “voice thunders in marvelous ways; [who] does great things beyond my understanding…” (Job 37:5)


a Dubai kind of grateful

October 28, 2009

IMG00358i couldn’t be more excited about heading to Dubai today. Feel free to have passport envy…

I’m grateful for school and education and the technology of planes that enables us to explore the world!

I’m grateful that I get to be a part of a community where 120 different personalities, cultures, minds, and hearts engage each other.

I’m thankful for those little plane pillows – and sleeping pills!

I’m grateful for home; that life here continues while I’m not in it and that I live in a place with people that I can celebrate coming back to.

I’m grateful that I get to write a new story and be part of a greater one being written.

I’m grateful for coffee…and to-do lists.

I’m thankful that I’m healthy enough, physically spiritually emotionally and mentally to pursue knowledge and adventure.

I’m grateful for mexican food and prayers in my car after it with a forever friend.

I’m grateful for Psalm 139 that says “suppose…i flew to the other side of the ocean. even there Your hand will guide me, Your strong arm will protect me…”  My hope, no matter my location on the globe, is in Jesus Christ. I am more in love with God than I have ever been.

God, show me what You see. Teach me what You know. Enable me to love how You love. be present. be real. be Savior.

real mail

July 28, 2009

I got “real mail” today, a thank you note actually.  It was hand-written, stamped, addressed, the whole nine…

Until it arrived to my office, buried between subscriptions and advertisements, I had forgotten the power of a simple piece of paper. 

The card came from a dad-type, not my actual father, but in terms of love, acceptance, and guidance, this pseudo-dad fits the billing of the  kind of great man every girl should have in her life.  It was a simple note.  Blue-ink on card stock, scribbling gratitude for a silly something I gave them – acknowledged on both sides to be half selfish.  

but one thing stuck out.  

We love you.  


W-e  l-o-v-e  y-o-u

stupid little nothing curves and lines given meaning by people long since dead and ascribed to my brain as meaningful during formative years i can barely recall.  

but the meaning never comes from the curves or the lines, it comes from what they represent. 

his hand, at his desk, in his office, with his time – his wife – who gives the kind of hugs you can sink into – standing over him…he carved those lines and curves

We love you represents even more than the circumstances surrounding the scrawl.

you see, for over a decade or so now, they’ve seen the messy, the complicated, the sick, the hilarious, the goofy, the awkward, the unrelenting, the esoteric sides of me – they’ve not just seen them, they’ve been affected by them.  

And they love me.

not pithy words breathed into existence in passing embrace leaving an airport or before clicking “end” – but written, solid, inked.

i. am. loved.  

all of me.

and if i forget – i can look at it again

the most asked question among my friends these days is whether or not this boy who so aptly named “princess problems” and I remain on good terms.  I’m happy to say, we do.  Albeit, as friends. 

Also, it is important to note, he still thinks i’m ridiculous and i still think he tries too hard to be an ass.