little by little

April 1, 2010

A few months ago I found myself on the banks of the Jordan River.

I’d gone too long believing the best lie the devil tells – that God is withholding His best from me.  I lived under the assumption that my needs & desires didn’t matter enough for God to meet them and even if they did, I didn’t have the thing it took to become the person God was telling me I could become.

After all, I looked at my life and I knew the disconnect.  I saw the space between the reality of my life and one God put in my heart to long to live.

there are two sides to the Jordan and one the one is desert – on the other the promised land.  And I was on the wrong side.

It was time to cross.

The Jordan isn’t a big river.  It isn’t the Red Sea.  You can cross it yourself and I think that is the point – at least that was the point for me – God wasn’t going to part the sea, I had to make the choice.  I  had to get my feet wet in a declaration that it was finally time to move from the desert to the promised land.

Life wasn’t working out; the old saying “keep doing what you’ve always done and you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten” had proved true.  And I wanted something new.  I wanted to change the stakes of the game.

And I knew that meant obedience.

So I started actually doing what I knew was true.  I took a hiatus from dating.  I signed up for FPU.  I started doing an hour of cardio every day.  I threw out junk food and junk TV and junk friendship.  As Don Miller would say, I started writing a better story – one where I make it across, I end up in the promised land – in a place where there’s peace that passes understanding and where I live free and alive on the other side of a resurrection.  I started believing that maybe God would keep His word if I just humbled myself and stopped trying to make it all happen my way in my time.

and one thing hit me like a ton of bricks….

In describing that crossing, both Exodus 23:30 and Deuteronomy 7:22 describe how God will defeat the enemies little by little.

Little by little.

the space between the reality of my life and the one God put in my heart to long to live is bridged – little by little.

So I go to the gym one second after another 3,600 times in a row every day.  I save pennies.  I have one more salad than I do soda.  I go another day – sometimes another hour without exchanging skin for attention from some boy.

Little by little.

hours have become pounds and muscles.  Pennies have become dollars.  Meals have become energy. Days have becomes months.

Little by little.

I’m not sure I do have what it takes to fight the big battles.  But I know I can fight the little ones.  The one right now, in this moment.  Not all the time but most of the time.

And I’m learning. I’m changing.  I’m being changed.  I’m moving into a promised land.  I’m falling more in love with God and His grace and sovereignty.  I’m becoming a version of myself I long to become.

little by little.

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